Saturday, March 10, 2007


So apparently there are some people reading my blog that I don't talk to on a regular basis or are RPers... 2 of them to be exact. One being my aforementioned ex-boyfriend, the other, a close friend of his. I am suddenly very glad I don't allow anonymous comments.

Remember how I mentioned that I told my ex that I still wanted to be friends? Well, in the final, dwindling days of February I contacted him to wish him a happy birthday and invite him out for a birthday drink on me. To that end, (I totally forgot about the birthday drink when we got there... ooops) I got together with him last night. We were having a fine time, if slightly scrambling for things to talk about. I believe it was when he hit his 3rd or 4th beer that he brought to light why he came to meet up with me. He had a bit of an agenda.

Now, there are opposing opinions as to whether I've actually done something wrong in this situation. He was quite upset with me over some of the details contained in the "File Under" post. He was very hurt and said that he would never post such personal stuff about me online. I didn't think it was that bad, neither did my friend. My mother, however, thinks I've definately tresspassed against him and that I should redact the details in the first couple of paragraphs. That people have forgotten how to be nice with the supposition of anonymity as their shield. But I know, quite well already, that there is no anonymity on the net.

Did I feel bad? Yes, and I still do. I wanted to crawl under my bar stool or creep on my belly out of the bar and into the chill, wet night to find some rock appropriate to my amphibious status. I didn't intend for him to read that. It honestly never even crossed my mind that he would. Which was both stupid and ignorant of me. I know him, I know how he rolls on the interwebs, I should have known better than to think he wouldn't find it.

Now, I'm posing a few questions to my readers - One, do you think I did something wrong? Or is it, as I said later that night when I'd had too much wine and I got a little angry, a situation where if you go looking for it you kind of deserve whatever you find? Two, am I furthering the offense by posting this? And lastly, should I delete the offending details out of kindness and consideration of his feelings?

I'm honestly left wondering. Is it a terrible fault in the blog-o-verse that we post things that contain details about other people? Should we only post about things that have only to do with ourselves? Is that how other people do and I just didn't know it? Did Rachel Kramer Bussel set a bad example for me and I blindly followed it when she posted exhaustively about her feelings about her last relationship? (okay, that's just really an opportunity for some link love and vain attempt at passing the buck, probably) But truly, is this a huge flaw? Did I have the right?

I don't know what I think now. I felt so sure last night but now... dammit Mom, makin' think about my actions and stuff.


Mississippi Songbird said...

When you post things so personal, you leave yourself open to criticism. I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt his feelings.
I know personally though, that I wouldn't like the details of my own relationship out there for all to see. That's just me.
Although, I did read it, didn't I?
and I'm certainly not the judge of anyone..

Good Luck with whatever you decide.!

rebecca said...

hi from another rp'er!
maybe it is different for men than for women. but, aside from 2, i have remained friends with past ex's. very, very good friends with a couple past ex's in particular. it is possible. in much how you describe in your blog - my thoughts were this: if we didn't succeed in a romantic relationship, it didn't negate the other attractions we had toward each other: respect, intelligence, likes and dislikes, plus - time spent getting to know the other.

that is a pickle you've got, alright.

i am SURE that though sometimes i do vent on my blog about my husband, H, he would not be pleased if i were to blog about him in great detail (unless it was extremely favorably). some things [i]are[/i] private. and i do agree with the person who said that you should never put in writing what you wouldn't want your mother/anyone to read.

but then again, your blog is YOURS. i use mine as a journal, much like i think you probably do too (by the way, this is the first i've read your blog and plan on reading it regularly - i enjoyed it!) therefore, in some way, i feel you have the right to write about what you wish to write about.

i am not much help, am i?

newwavegurly said...

Your blog, you get to post what you want to.

You didn't provide his full name, you didn't disclose enough things about him that anybody that doesn't know him already would be able to figure out who he is, and (did I say this already?), it's YOUR blog.

This is a place for you to discuss your feelings and how you're coping and/or dealing with life. How personal the information on here gets is up to you. The fact that he (and a friend of his) read it... not YOUR problem. He can just stop reading. How did either of them come across it anyway?

When the guy that I was dating and I broke up last year, I posted my feelings on my blog. Yes, I knew he might read it, and I knew that there were other people that read my blog that would probably read it as well. So be it.

Your friends want to know how you feel, and they want to help you through it. Whether they hear the words directly from your mouth, or through here (or an email, etc.), it's always going to be colored with your version of how it went down, and your emotions/feelings. He's entitled to his own vision of what happened, and I'm sure that he has discussed things with his own friend(s). You posting it on your blog is just another means for you to release it, and he and his friend either just need to stop reading your blog, or they need to get over it. Period.

winter said...

I've done a little of that myself.

It's a tough balance: you want to use your blog to express yourself and your feelings, and treat it like a journal that you let your friends read. But sometimes the people in your life don't like that, and you want to respect their wishes, too.

I've screwed up a few times when trying to walk that wire. If you figure out how to make it work, let me know.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

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